April marks a whole year since I had an ectopic pregnancy.
It was really very serious and my Fallopian tube ruptured causing internal bleeding which meant I had to have emergency surgery and ended in me having one of my tubes completely removed. The whole thing was pretty traumatic and scary and I told my story in a previous video that I will link here if you want to know more about what actually happened.
Now, I want to share a few thoughts and feelings I have a year down the line. How I feel about my body and about future pregnancies.
So how does my body feel now? A year to me sounds like a long time to recover from surgery and I would have expected to feel completely back to my normal self by now but surprisingly I don’t. My operation wasn’t nice neat keyhole surgery, it was a big cut across my lower stomach and the scar still looks really red and kind of lumpy. I get weird shooting pains in it that aren’t exactly painful as such but uncomfortable and sometimes a little bit sore. I also have very little feeling on one side of my tummy near where the scar is – weirdly on the side which didn’t have the tube removed. I hate to be vain but it’s just not a scar I look at and feel proud of like I would if it was a c section scar. It’s just a constant reminder of something bad that happened to me once and it often brings back memories I would rather forget.
It took a lot longer for the internal pain to go away than I thought it would. Without being graphic I felt bruised for a long time especially in my tummy which I guess Is understandable when you’ve been cut open and a part of your body has been removed. It’s a really weird thought when I sit and ponder over the fact an organ has been taken from me, without my say so – well I apparently signed a consent form. And I know it had to be removed to save my life but it’s still such a strange thing to happen and something I would never have thought would bother me prior to this happening to me.
I guess that brings me onto the next part of my update and that is how I feel about future pregnancies. SO many people ask if we want another baby, am I broody, how long will we wait?!
If I’m honest I am absolutely shit scared about being pregnant again! I really want to be a mother to two children. I hate odd numbers and I feel like another child would really complete our family but the thought of the early stages of pregnancy really terrify me now.
Ectopic pregnancies will usually happen within the first 1-14 weeks (I beleive) so you are usually monitored closely and have extra scans to make sure everything is ok and the egg is in the right place but I almost think that will worry me more having so many check ups. Once you have had an ectopic pregnancy they say that you’re at risk of another, your chance goes up from 1-5% so of course I do worry that my last remaining tube will fail me, although I try to push that to the back of my mind
We aren’t planning on a baby just yet. I still feel like my body needs some time to itself, and we are getting married next year so I want to focus on that but after that who knows, hopefully it will happen.
My fertility rate is statistically reduced..I’m really not sure by how much but I know of course that it may be a lot harder next time to get pregnant so of course I do worry about that, and the fact I’m not getting any younger. However I just can’t see my future as a family of three, in my head and in my dreams we are a four.. maybe that’s silly or maybe it’s a sign I don’t know.
There are positives to have come out of this ectopic pregnancy and everything that I went through. My fiancé Scott and I are so close.. in fact I would say we are unbreakable. I’ve learnt that I am strong, physically and mentally. I’ve helped raise some well needed money for the ectopic pregnancy trust. I have even made connections and genuine friends through making my videos and writing about what happened to me. I still receive emails thanking me for speaking out.
I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. I don’t know why but I just am, I think bad things happen so good things can happen too and I also believe that life is what you make it
Have you ever had an ectopic pregnancy? How did you feel a year down the line?